This Whole Tiger Woods Bru-Hah-Hah

Now that I've had about a week or so to digest this "Tiger press conference" thing, I've got some thoughts about it I'd like to get out of my system.  First of all, I'd like to go on record by saying I seriously do not give a shit how many women he's slept with, how long he's been cheating, or any of that.  His life is not my business.  What he eats doesn't make me shit.  Insert more witty cliche's if you like.  That said, I think both sides of the equation dropped the ball here.  And I'll explain why.

Why Tiger dropped the ball: Dude, you are a billionaire athelete, you are arguably (but not really, everyone knows) the greatest golfer to ever live. Why are you explaining yourself to anyone other than your wife?  Yea I know you're a public figure, but things like this are only as big as you allow them to be.  If you and your wife had came before a camera the day after the crash and just been like "look, everything is cool", you woulda had the freedom to fix this, in private, however you saw fit.  The media and public hounded you because you  kept it a secret.  Three months of secracy brought on the perceived need for this "press conference".  You brought this on yourself, dude.

Why the media/public dropped the ball:  Let's be real with ourselves.  Are our lives that boring and meaningless that we have to make a huge deal of Tiger's life?  This can be applied to the personal life of any public figure but it seemed to go into overdrive with this Tiger thing.  The age we're living in makes information almost inescapable, but between news articles, news segments, blog pieces, etc, everyone on the planet had something to say about Tiger and how wrong he was.  Sad part is, the people who are so busy judging him are probably guilty of the same sins, if not worse.  Unless you've somehow managed to live a perfect life, you have no right to say what Tiger did was wrong.  It's not your business anyway.  Let he and his wife work this out. 

All things considered, I hope Tiger is able to return to the sport and continue his prominent career.  His image may be shot, but who cares about image anyway?  Image is overrated because it's 100% dependent on what others think.  If he's satisfied with his own life and has the respect of those who matter, some shitfaced, know it all blogger should mean nothing.  Live your life, Eldrick.  You're human just like the rest of us. 

Stupid Facebook Groups Created By Stupid People

I've seen more than a few stupid groups on Facebook, and I usually don't pay them any attention one way or the other.  Something about this one, however, irritated me more than usual.  While I'm accustomed to ignorance in general where the internet is concerned, something THIS ignorant being glorified so proudly rubbed me the wrong way.  Check out the group yourself for a few chuckles, followed by a pretty epic facepalm.

Tiger Woods Is Gonna Say Sorry Tomorrow

Terrible PR move, Tiger.  Fire your publicist right now.  Do you have any clue how much of a waste of time this is?  Dude, it's been like 3 months.  This ship has sailed.  Your public opinion has already dwindled to the point where people probably feel more compassion for Gilbert Arenas right now. GILBERT FUCKING ARENAS HAS A BIGGER SUPPORT SYSTEM THAN YOU!  And you're gonna hold a press conference to apologize?  Unless you drop some kind of monumental Jedi mind trick on us all, you're wasting your breath.  Just get back to kicking everyone else's ass on the golf course.  You hoe-ing days are old news.

What The FUCK Happened To The Slam Dunk Contest?

I am currently in the middle of a Lost marathon.  I'm really late to the party and have been watching episode after episode in order to get caught up to the current season.  Yesterday (Saturday, Feb 13) I found myself finishing up season 2.  Towards the tail end I realized it was time for the slam dunk contest so I was faced with an interesting dilemma: continue watching Lost and miss out on some entertaining dunks or turn the channel and lose ground on my catch up marathon.  Eventually, I caved and switched to TNT and you will not believe the level of disappointment I had when I saw the first round.  I saw a collection of normal ass, "in game" dunks and was immediately sick to my stomach.  The past three years have been full of creativity: Dwight Howard's Superman, Nate jumping over people, Josh Smiths sticker, Blowing out the cupcake, etc. There was NONE of that this year.  What is going on?  The only explanation I can think of is that this was planned by all involved to try and get LeBron, Kobe, Vince, etc interested to do next years.  Because that's about the only thing that can save the contest.  It was so awful this year that no one at all will care next year.  Terrible.

Me? Oh Nothin, Just Smashin' Up TV's @ Wal-Mart.

No big deal.

snOMG 2010 [Snow Rant]

More snow in the last month than I've seen in over 13 years.  And by no means am I exaggerating.  It was cute at first, but now it's just plain annoying.  Enough already, shit.

"Heroes" Is In Need Of Saving

I wrote a similar piece on my older blog a little less than a year ago but after watching last nights season finale, I feel the need to write an updated, more in depth piece.  Let me start this by saying I really, REALLY enjoy the show.  It is for that reason that I'm particularly annoyed with it's short comings.  The first and second seasons were pretty phenomenal.  I was literally hooked.  Somewhere along the way (read: season three and onward), the writers lost their way.  With the frequency of show cancellations, the nice folks at Heroes cannot just coast along hoping they'll be tossed a renewal letter.  You need to CRUSH the ratings.  And the only way you'll do that is by satisfying your REAL fans.  And let's be real with ourselves: the REAL fans of Heroes are the comic heads and sci-fi geeks.  You'll score a decent amount of casual viewers just because, but to pull the real numbers, you need to satisfy the core audience.  And I know just the way to do it.  This is a long read, but worth it if you've invested years into watching the show like I have.

• For the love of God, stop with the Volumes.  In theory it seems like a good idea to have season long. self contained story arcs but in reality, you're ruining it for viewers.  Think about it; you're only getting 13-20 episodes per season these days.  By the time the season finale hits, I felt like all the "loose ends" so to speak were being hastily sewn together so we could get to the climax.  Not cool.  Get rid of the volumes and it gives you the flexibility to leave us with off-season cliffhangers.  Do you have any clue the amount of people will tune in on the season premier for THAT reason alone?  You kill the story on the season finale and you give people the choice as to whether or not they wanna bother next year.  Bad business.  FORCE these people to watch!  Leave them hanging after every episode!  
• The writing is becoming predictable.  So yea Samuel threatens to level New York City.  OK, Sylar was supposed to level New York City in season 1 and it didn't happen.  Every time the world of Heroes is threatened with an impending doom, the Heroes save the day.  So when Samuel is going on and on about his plan, I'm sitting here like "yea, whatevs".  Sure enough, Peter and Sylar save the day.  Surprise us.  Kill off a main character (and don't backtrack w/ the lame "turn Sylar into Nathan" crap).  Let the villains plan work.  Do something we're not expecting or we won't take any of this seriously. 
• Stop fudging with Sylars character!  Since you guys love bringing in new villians, fine..let Sylar be the Anti-hero.  I'm 100% cool with that.  But don't turn him into some pussified, reformed hero that doesn't even have the balls to kill anyone anymore.  That's what Peter is here for!!  Sylar is by far the most entertaining character on the show, mainly due to the fact that we never know exactly where his allegiance lies.  Turning him into a pure good guy will kill his mojo.  
• Let the Heroes be "super".  Is it me or was there a severe lack of super human shit this season?  How is it we have a cast full of super powered people and barely any of them clashed?  Sylar whipped some people around a few times, and some of the carnies used their powers but I wanna see some epic battles man.  Introduce some REAL characters that will be around for more than one season.  Develop some vendettas and rivalries that will make way for heated clashes.  Stop grouping together the SAME set of Heroes to fight off random bad guys that we'll never see again. 
• What happened to "The Company"?  The mysterious background of The Company was one of the most interesting aspects of the earlier seasons and it's all but been removed from the series.  Who were the other founders?  Remember that picture?  Did it just disband?  There are a lot of plot points from seasons 1 and 2 that have been ignored but that's the most egregious.  Noah mentioned "an old company" on last nights season finale so that's a sign they may be revisiting that next year.  Hopefully I'm right.
• Romance.  Do these people have no love lives what-so-ever?  What is a Heroes biggest motivation to save someone?  Love.  What is a villains biggest motivation to go apeshit and kill everyone?  Love.  Why has this not been explored?  The only character with a hint of a love story was Noah.  Hiro's love interest was off screen for 99% of the season and the writers pussied out of Claire and Gretchens ALMOST love story.  You mean to tell me none of these characters have love interests?  Except Parkman, who's married? (he doesn't count cuz his wife's such a minor character that it's inconsequential).
• Think out your characters carefully.  Sylar as a bad guy was fun, mainly because of his personality and how awesome his powers were.  Danko as a bad guy was obnoxious and smug.  Samuel as a bad guy was just plain annoying.  His carnies were even worse.  Claire being hardheaded and stubborn for no reason is making her everyone's least favorite character.  Peter being a softy despite his abilities is becoming frustrating.  Don't limit these characters.  Have some fun with them.  You can't expect us to become attached to characters that are no fun.  Because in the off chance that the writers grow some balls and kill someone, we wouldn't even care.  I didn't give a shit what happened to Samuel, as long as he was off the damn screen. But I'd be a little hurt if Sylar died.  Even if he was trying to kill everyone on the show.  
• Let bad things happen.  Stop copping out.  Hiro teleporting thousands of people at once?  Tracy miraculously finding Noah and Claire and water boarding them to saftey?  I know there are liberties where special powers are involved but still, don't make shit up as you go along.  Think these things out carefully.  Make sure it makes sense.  It's fine to leave things unexplained; for a little while.  It's perfectly acceptable to retcon a mystery in a later season.  Just make sure it makes sense!!

This next season of Heroes would be it's fifth.  These days, that's about as long as you can expect a show to last.  Lost is about 10 times more popular than Heroes and it's wrapping up it's series with a sixth and final season.  Even tho that's the choice of the producers and not the network, it's hard to justify further seasons of Heroes when it hasn't performed nearly to the level of another show that's about to close up shop.  The fact that it's kinda competing with 24 doesn't help.  If the writers get their heads from out the sand, I truly believe Heroes is a very salvageable show.   Hell, even without my suggestions, it may work for another season or two.  But why give NBC any reason to swing the hammer?  Follow these guidelines and I promise the ratings will increase ten fold. 

Post NFL Depression

Last nights Super Bowl wound up being another exciting close to yet another exciting NFL season.  But now comes the realization that for the next 6+ months, I will be without my favorite sport.  This is easily the saddest, most depressing part of the year for me.  I've still got about 3 months before the NBA season becomes exciting enough to watch on a regular basis (I really only care about the playoffs).  Same can be said for Baseball, which means I won't really give a crap until September at the earliest.  This leaves me with NOTHING.  So sad.  I'll likely be using this extra time on my hands to play X-Box and catch up on past episodes of Lost.

Congrats To The New Orleans Saints

I'm happy they won, as I rooted for them in this years Super Bowl. But to all of you pseudo New Orleans fans who came outta nowhere screamin' "Who Dat", go kill yourselves right now.  Seriously, it's cool to cheer for a team but don't act like you were a NO fan the entire year, because you weren't. Sit down, and shut up.  Oh, and congrats to the Saints.

About The Grammys

After about a week since the airing of the Grammys, something has continued to bother me.  Not the fact that Taylor Swift won album of the year and can't even sing. Not the fact that they censored half of Drake, Wayne and Eminems performance.  What bugs me is the fact that the producers of the Grammys had 7 months to put together a Michael Jackson tribute yet the best they could do was slap together a cheesy 3D performance of a song that wasn't even close to being his most popular?  That makes little sense to me.  A one song performance.  Not a medly, and barely a "tribute".  It just seemed sloppy and last minute.  With the exception of Janet's surprise performance at the VMA's, I've yet to see anything that really served as a real ode to Michaels legacy.  I thought the Grammys would do better than this.

Sidenote: Michael got a one song.  Bon Jovi got three, oh..ok.

Facebook What Do You Think You're Doing?

I don't mind when Facebook goes through these obligatory redesign phases, but now they're tinkering with features I've become accustomed to.  For instance, I'm not huge on the Live Feed; too much bullshit.  I liked to just select "status updates" and keep shit simple.  But this redesign removed my ability to limit my stream to statuses.  I've looked but I see no way to update it.  I also notice my stream isn't self updating like it used to, I'm having to either click "refresh" or exit then re-enter the page.  No bueno.  Facebook is getting kinda radical w/ these changes.  They keep fucking around, people are gonna rebel.

To The Person Who Responded To My Rom-Com Rant...

I'm pretty sure I accidentally deleted your comment instead of approving it.  That's my bad.  As such, I removed the need for comment moderation and everyone's comments will show up immediately with no need for approval on my part.  So if you're out there, and you're reading, please come back and drop some more gems of funny for us. Thanks!

Sonic The Hedgehog 4: Episode One

And just like that, I take back every bad thing I've ever said about Sega.  Check out the trailer here.  I promise you won't regret it.

NBA's National Broadcasts Suck

Apparently, the only way to get on a nationally televised NBA game (TNT/ESPN/ABC) is to play against the Cavs, Lakers, Nuggets, or Celtics.  Every time I turn around, those four teams are the ones who are on TV.  And in some cases, against one another.  I get they're the top of the NBA brass, so to speak, but does the NBA have such little faith in the quality of it it's other teams that it doesn't want to broadcast them nationally?  MLB doesn't do this; yea you're gonna see the Yankees and Red Sox alot but that's by design since there are fucking 162 games.  You'll also see the Pirates, Mariners, Royals, Astros or whoever else is playing.  The NBA seems to have no interest in showing the Grizzlies, who are actually performing very well this year.  Nor the Hawks or Bobcats, two more teams  who are performing particularly better than expected.  As a sports fan, I find this troubling.  While I have no issue paying extra money to see out of market NFL games (due to the importance of each game week in and week out), I'm nowhere near willing to do that for an 82 NBA season where teams are likely to hotdog some of the games.  The NBA needs to figure something out.

Romantic Comedies Are The Fucking Worst

Don't ask me why, but I once attempted to watch "The Proposal".  I guess I was blinded by the fact that I'm a Sandra Bullock fan.  I didn't make it through the movie half way when I ejected it, put it back in the Netflix sleeve and sent it on it's way.  Even though it's a notion I'd already thought of in the past, this movie made something dawn on me once and for all: ROMANTIC COMEDIES SUCK!  They are by far the most contrived, formula-tic movies in history.  Nothing separates one from the other except the casting.  Here are the qualities of EVERY rom-com (terrible attempt at clever) I've ever seen.

• There's a guy.
• There's a girl.
• The guy wants to be with the girl. 
• The girl is turned off to the guy for some reason.
• The guy eventually makes progress.
• Some plot device is thrown into the mix out of nowhere that turns the girl back off.
• We see the movie coming to an end thinking the guy and the girl won't get together.
• But guess what, they do.

I swear that's the plot of EVERY romantic comedy.  Every once in a while they try and throw a curveball by swapping genders, but it's all the same shit.  It's disgusting, and I refuse to support another rom-com unless it's directed by Judd Apatow.  At least his semi rom-coms (Knocked Up, Forgetting Sarah Marshall) put the humor before the romantic bullshit. Typical rom-coms are the most unfunny pieces of shit in existence.